What Makes [Me] Beautiful

Back in June when everything was still in the beginning stages of Operation: Repair Maya's Heart,  I remember talking to my pediatric cardiologist about the different procedures available to me to close my ASD. He told me that because the hole in my heart was relatively large, it would have been possible, but not recommended by most doctors, to close the hole via a "plug" inserted through a catheter up my leg.  If I chose this procedure, I could have avoided open heart surgery, but the benefits of the trans-catheter method didn't really outweigh the various risks (e.g. migration, malposition, embolization, eventually having to get open heart surgery anyways). "I don't care at all about the aesthetics," I told my doctor, "it's okay if I have a bigger scar. I want to do it right the first time, so that I don't ever have to do this again."

For me, it all came down to this: Whether the scar was on my leg, on my ribs, or even smack dab in the middle of my chest, my scar wasn't going to make me any less beautiful, and it certainly wasn't going to make me any weirder (I'm already prettay prettay weird). The short-term and long-term success of my repair was far more important to me than type of scar it would leave.

I think it's hard sometimes to recognize that beauty isn't all about appearances. In a society that is constantly giving us reasons to judge ourselves, it's easy to lose sight of what real beauty is. But friends, what's more beautiful than life itself? What's more beautiful than getting a new lease on life?

Beauty isn't having perfect skin, or a scar-free body. And, contrary to what a group of british pop stars suggests, "what makes you beautiful" is not, in fact, being unaware of your own beauty. Beauty is who we are...who we already are. We are inherently beautiful, inherently worthy.

Beauty is recognizing that brilliant, God-given light that shines within each of us. And beauty is letting that light, that joy, shine through us and saturate every single one of our waking moments. Beauty is carrying that light with us, letting it illuminate our world through the things we say, the things we do (and don't do), and even the ways in which we approach times of fear and uncertainty or endure that agonizing first night in the intensive care unit.

Beauty is the way I carry myself. Beauty is believing that my worth comes from within me, from my identity as a child of God. And because I know that my beauty comes from within, I do not hide my scar, but rather, wear it with pride and gratitude. Not only is my scar is a constant reminder of the skilled and caring hands of the surgeons, nurses, and techs that gave me a better quality of life, but it is also testament to the beauty--and strength-- of my own body, my will, and my spirit... a beauty that is so much more than skin-deep.

“...I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly...We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived. In a few breaths’ time I will speak some sad words to you. But you must hear them the same way we have agreed to see scars now. Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this story teller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile.”
-Little Bee