Running a Half Marathon With Very Little Training Whatsoever: A 13-step Guide
Disclaimer: I really really enjoy running. Sometimes I just fail at the whole training thing.
Step 1: Run the previous half marathon (#1) at sea level, having actually trained for that race.
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Step 2: Decide you want to do it again because you want to give back to the hospital that fixed your heart. And also because you're crazy.
Step 3: Set up fundraising page for half marathon #2, announce to whole world that you are (allegedly) running a half marathon.
Step 4: Procrastinate on training plans 5ever.
Step 5: Get interviewed by Fox10 News, so now even more people know that you are (allegedly) running a half marathon.
Step 6: Change your 12-week couch to half marathon training plan to a 12-day couch to half marathon training plan.
Step 7: Freak out the night before the race because OMG why didn't I train better!?! Calculate how slow you can run/ walk without getting caught by the "You're Too Slow and You're Holding Up Traffic" struggle bus.
Step 8a: Race day. Just start running. Really really slowly.
Step 8b: Put on headphones, realize that you literally have 6 songs on your iPhone because when you bought that new one, you never synced your iTunes library.
Step 8c: Realize that you'll basically be listening to "Let It Go", "Roar", and "Berzerk" on repeat for 2.5 hours.
Step 9: Get to mile 3 and realize your IT band hates you so so so much. Speed walk/limp/possibly cry for a few miles.
Step 10a: Hit mile 5 and realize that you're kind of almost halfway there??? Start running again.
Step 10b: PR? Shmee-ahr. Let's live Tweet/ Instagram this baby.
Step 11: Miles 6.0-13.0 What are legs. What are knees. What is pain.
Step 12: Make it to the finish line, and tell yourself, "wow, that wasn't so bad now, was it?!"
Step 13: Sign up for half marathon #3, this time in Baltimore, and this time at 7am on the first saturday of fall break for nursing school, because you "won't be that tired**!"
**famous last words/ this actually happened... updates to come!
Step 1: Run the previous half marathon (#1) at sea level, having actually trained for that race.
Step 2: Decide you want to do it again because you want to give back to the hospital that fixed your heart. And also because you're crazy.
Step 3: Set up fundraising page for half marathon #2, announce to whole world that you are (allegedly) running a half marathon.
Step 4: Procrastinate on training plans 5ever.
Step 5: Get interviewed by Fox10 News, so now even more people know that you are (allegedly) running a half marathon.
Step 6: Change your 12-week couch to half marathon training plan to a 12-day couch to half marathon training plan.
Step 7: Freak out the night before the race because OMG why didn't I train better!?! Calculate how slow you can run/ walk without getting caught by the "You're Too Slow and You're Holding Up Traffic" struggle bus.
Step 8a: Race day. Just start running. Really really slowly.
Step 8b: Put on headphones, realize that you literally have 6 songs on your iPhone because when you bought that new one, you never synced your iTunes library.
Step 8c: Realize that you'll basically be listening to "Let It Go", "Roar", and "Berzerk" on repeat for 2.5 hours.
Step 9: Get to mile 3 and realize your IT band hates you so so so much. Speed walk/limp/possibly cry for a few miles.
Step 10a: Hit mile 5 and realize that you're kind of almost halfway there??? Start running again.
Step 10b: PR? Shmee-ahr. Let's live Tweet/ Instagram this baby.
Step 12: Make it to the finish line, and tell yourself, "wow, that wasn't so bad now, was it?!"
Step 13: Sign up for half marathon #3, this time in Baltimore, and this time at 7am on the first saturday of fall break for nursing school, because you "won't be that tired**!"
**famous last words/ this actually happened... updates to come!
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